Just Being Myself

Trigger Warning: This article deals with topics of sexual assault  April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and this month is a special month for me. Coming up this May marks a milestone I'd never thought I'd need to mark. May 3rd marks the anniversary of my rape. It will be 8 years this year since that day. When I first started to process my trauma, I felt the need to shout it from the rooftops and demand that everyone hear my story. I even shared it  here on this blog.  I was angry, I was hurting, most importantly I was scared and confused. I claimed I didn't want the attention I was getting from this post. I didn't want the praise and comments saying how strong and brave I was... but deep down, I really craved that validation. I was branding myself as the victim/survivor, and I was building my identity as the girl who was raped. Looking back at the girl who was hurting and demanding to be heard, my heart aches for her. I have come so far since the girl who wrote that

Hello Again! Has it been the hottest of seconds since I have posted on here! And wow what a difference nearly 4 years can make. If you had asked me 12 months ago if I thought there would be a shiny new ring on my finger, and that my heart would be so full of love and joy again... I 110% would've called you insane, told you that nobody would ever want this mess and that it doesn't matter because I am taking the year to focus on myself. I truly believed that statement until Ryan came along. Ryan and I go way back. In 2011, I moved from my small performing arts high school to the scary new world that was Pine View High School. Joining Band and Theater classes were no question to me, and so into the arts I went. I played the flute, he played the saxophone. We started talking but the butterflies never hit me. Then Junior year started that August and Ryan joined my theater class. Something about that boy joining the thespian ranks made me fall hard and fast into a schoolgirl crush

Picture this if you will. Picture a seventeen-year-old girl curled up in her bed sobbing those gut wrenching sobs, the kind that rub your throat raw. Picture her trying to calm herself down, telling herself everything is going to be okay. Picture her telling those voices in her head that they were wrong. The depression didn’t scare him away. Picture her convincing herself that the boy she’d been dating for the past two and a half months, the one who just broke her heart, hadn’t raped her. That he wasn’t using her just for sex. That he really loved her and that he would come to his senses and they’d be together again. Do you see it? Picture that same girl three years later. She’s tried to pick up the pieces of what that boy did. She’s tried living a normal life, and failed. She’s seen countless guys up and leave once they find out she’s a rape victim. Picture that girl trying to keep the tears from falling every night, because not only does she have depression but now she has the tit

Happy Thanksgiving! So I just wrote a post on my DCP blog  here  about what I'm thankful for, but I wanted to do one on here that wasn't as Disney related. I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful for my wonderful family. Next week I will get to see my dad's parents as well as my biological father, Jeff, and my brother and sister. They're coming up to see me perform in Dicken's Festival. I seriously couldn't have asked for a better family. My parents have been amazing. They're letting me live with them to save money for the Disney College Program. Throughout my entire life I've never had a support system better than that of my mom and dad. It's going to be so weird not to have them right up the road when I'm living in Florida, but my mom is constantly reminding me I'm doing what's best for my future and it's her words of support that help me when I'm second guessing my choice. I am also so incredibly thankful for m

So a few weeks ago I applied for the Disney College Program. It's an amazing opportunity and I did a post on that  here.  Well I was checking my email the other day and I saw this beautiful message: I am beyond ecstatic to announce that I will be attending the Disney College Program for the Spring Advantage 2016. It was not an easy decision, but I know that if I turn this down I will regret it for the rest of my life. I can't wait to see what this experience has in store for me. In less than four months I will be working for one of the most magical places on earth. I feel incredibly blessed and lucky that everything worked out in the end.

When I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof at a local theatre here in town, I never thought that I could get cast in the children's show Bridge to Terabithia. Imagine my surprise when I was approached by the director to be an understudy for Miss Edmunds, as well as an Assistant Stage Manager. I eagerly agreed, and thus began one of the craziest summers I've experienced so far. While I was disappointed to have not made it into Fiddler , I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to have worked on Bridge to Terabithia. Because it is a children's show, most of the roles were double cast meaning we have two closing nights. Tonight was the final performance ever of Bridge to Terabithia  at Brigham's Playhouse. Closing night is always a bittersweet feeling. I'm anxious to move on to the next show, or to even have a break from shows and have a chance to breathe for a little while before jumping into the next production. But on the other side of that, I'm nev