Depression sucks. It's one of those things that I don't think you can ever fully understand until you've been through it. That's how it was for me. I could never understand how someone could do that to themselves and those around them. I can't really tell you when or why my depression hit me, all I know is it did. I can't describe it, I've tried and every time the sentence gets deleted. I can tell you this: it's a horrible disease. It's the kind of thing where I want people to notice that I'm not okay but at the same time I don't want them to ask me if I'm okay because I don't want to lie to them and say I'm okay when I'm really not.
Depression sucks. On one hand, I want to go out with friends and be social. I want to go to rehearsals and get involved. I want to interact with people, I really do. Instead I stay at home in bed with Gilmore Girls and Facebook. I shut people out and it kills me. I have no idea why this happens it just does. Give it a couple days and I'll probably be back to my usual social self. I can vent to my best friend and get it all off my chest and think to myself that everything's going to be fine and in an hour or so it's back to feeling miserable for no reason.
Depression sucks. It causes people to shut out those closest to them. It strikes at any given place and time without warning. One day you can be feeling great and then the next day you find it's impossible to get out of bed in the morning. It's incredibly hard to fight off that doom and gloom feeling. Those voices in your head that tell you to give up. Those voices that tell you to stop fighting, they tell you you're not worth it. Those voices that make you question how anyone could love you in your condition. Those voices that are so hard to ignore. It's nightmarish.
Depression sucks. It attacks your very being. It takes simple things that shouldn't get you down too much, such as not spending time with family over the holidays and makes it so that tiny thing suffocates you. The weight of it crushing your ability to go even get out of bed. It may even leave you contemplating self harm, which sounds horrible but in your twisted depressed mind that is the only solution that will help make the pain you're feeling on the inside go away. Little do you know with that first cut you make you won't ever want to stop. You'll think you've got it under control but soon you'll find that your belly is now covered in cuts and the need to cut is so ravaging that soon you move on to cutting your upper legs, because those can be hidden by shorts. And when your legs fill up you move to your wrists. You may finally realize at that point that you have a problem, you have become addicted to the pain. Later, if you're lucky enough to beat the addiction, you'll find that when the depression strikes again you're itching to cut but at the same time you're terrified to do so because you know once you make that first cut you won't be able to stop yourself.
Depression sucks. It causes you to lie to those you love. You tell them that you're okay, you're feeling better now. But in reality you're still crying yourself to sleep at night. You tell them that when you feel this way again you'll reach out to them and talk to them. You don't even reach for the phone as you contemplate ending your life right there, right now. You hide from your family the darkness inside. You fear what will happen if they ever find out. You feel like a constant failure and permanently weak because of the depression. Little do you know that by fighting this disease every day you're a stronger person than most.
Depression sucks, but until you've gone through it you'll never truly know how ugly this disease is. I hope and pray you never have to experience depression but if you do please know you're not alone in your fight. If you're experiencing depression now, keep fighting. You may feel weak, I know I constantly do. You may never feel like light will shine through this darkness, but it does. There is light in this tunnel, and while it may only be a window shining through and not the end of the tunnel it is still light. Just keep fighting, for yourself, for your friends and family. There's a quote from a Thought Catalog article I read that decorates my room (I'll attach the link at the bottom of this post). It's the first thing I see before I leave for the day, it says "your depression does not get to win this war." Remember that. In this battle you are fighting, depression sucks and it drastically alters your way of life but it DOES NOT get to win this battle. YOU get to be the winner. Just keep fighting, I know it's hard, trust me I do. Just keep fighting because it'll all be worth it in the end.
Here's the link to that article I promised. It's a great read: Please Do Not Let Your Depression Win by Ari Eastman
Depression sucks. On one hand, I want to go out with friends and be social. I want to go to rehearsals and get involved. I want to interact with people, I really do. Instead I stay at home in bed with Gilmore Girls and Facebook. I shut people out and it kills me. I have no idea why this happens it just does. Give it a couple days and I'll probably be back to my usual social self. I can vent to my best friend and get it all off my chest and think to myself that everything's going to be fine and in an hour or so it's back to feeling miserable for no reason.
Depression sucks. It causes people to shut out those closest to them. It strikes at any given place and time without warning. One day you can be feeling great and then the next day you find it's impossible to get out of bed in the morning. It's incredibly hard to fight off that doom and gloom feeling. Those voices in your head that tell you to give up. Those voices that tell you to stop fighting, they tell you you're not worth it. Those voices that make you question how anyone could love you in your condition. Those voices that are so hard to ignore. It's nightmarish.
Depression sucks. It attacks your very being. It takes simple things that shouldn't get you down too much, such as not spending time with family over the holidays and makes it so that tiny thing suffocates you. The weight of it crushing your ability to go even get out of bed. It may even leave you contemplating self harm, which sounds horrible but in your twisted depressed mind that is the only solution that will help make the pain you're feeling on the inside go away. Little do you know with that first cut you make you won't ever want to stop. You'll think you've got it under control but soon you'll find that your belly is now covered in cuts and the need to cut is so ravaging that soon you move on to cutting your upper legs, because those can be hidden by shorts. And when your legs fill up you move to your wrists. You may finally realize at that point that you have a problem, you have become addicted to the pain. Later, if you're lucky enough to beat the addiction, you'll find that when the depression strikes again you're itching to cut but at the same time you're terrified to do so because you know once you make that first cut you won't be able to stop yourself.
Depression sucks. It causes you to lie to those you love. You tell them that you're okay, you're feeling better now. But in reality you're still crying yourself to sleep at night. You tell them that when you feel this way again you'll reach out to them and talk to them. You don't even reach for the phone as you contemplate ending your life right there, right now. You hide from your family the darkness inside. You fear what will happen if they ever find out. You feel like a constant failure and permanently weak because of the depression. Little do you know that by fighting this disease every day you're a stronger person than most.
Depression sucks, but until you've gone through it you'll never truly know how ugly this disease is. I hope and pray you never have to experience depression but if you do please know you're not alone in your fight. If you're experiencing depression now, keep fighting. You may feel weak, I know I constantly do. You may never feel like light will shine through this darkness, but it does. There is light in this tunnel, and while it may only be a window shining through and not the end of the tunnel it is still light. Just keep fighting, for yourself, for your friends and family. There's a quote from a Thought Catalog article I read that decorates my room (I'll attach the link at the bottom of this post). It's the first thing I see before I leave for the day, it says "your depression does not get to win this war." Remember that. In this battle you are fighting, depression sucks and it drastically alters your way of life but it DOES NOT get to win this battle. YOU get to be the winner. Just keep fighting, I know it's hard, trust me I do. Just keep fighting because it'll all be worth it in the end.
Here's the link to that article I promised. It's a great read: Please Do Not Let Your Depression Win by Ari Eastman
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