It's been a while since I've posted but there's something I just can't seem to shake off my mind. When I first broke the silence regarding my rape, I thought I was strong enough to share my story. That thought was quickly turned down three days later when I had a level 10 meltdown, I couldn't speak, it was hard to breathe and the tears were horrible, genuinely nasty sobs that choke your throat and leave your face covered in snot. The suffocation continued to grow worse until I finally wrote a letter to my rapist and let my relief come through my writing as it always has. In the months since these posts I like to think I've grown and learned more about myself through these experiences. I'm slowly starting to find my voice again. I'm no longer afraid to tell my story to others, in fact I'll gladly share it with anyone who asks and even those who probably could've carried on their lives never knowing that information. I'm still nervous to share my story but it's no longer from the fact that I'm afraid of the consequences I'll have to face when my ex finally does find out. I know what happened that night and even if he wants to deny it, that will never change the fact that he continued to have sex with me when I very clearly told him to stop, multiple times at various stages of the evening including during the moment. That my friends is what we call rape. I'm nervous because I don't know how people will respond to my news and whether or not it will be support or shame.
What happened that night was not my fault. The woman who wore provocative clothing and teased her rapist on but said no and tried to stop him, it wasn't her fault. The girlfriend who may have slept with her boyfriend in the past but said no to his advances yet he forced himself on her, it's not her fault either. The man who told a woman (or man) no, yet still had sex forced on him, yep not his fault either. It is never the victims fault. I am going to repeat myself because this concept is so hard for people to grasp, it is never the victims fault they were raped, ever. It doesn't matter if they've had sex with the person before, if they misled their rapists, if they wore a dress that was too short or even if they were walking around bare butt naked. Having sex forced upon a person is called rape, end of story. If at any point that person has said no and the sex continues to happen, that is rape. Rape is nobody's fault but the horny bastard who refused to take no as an answer. End of freaking story. Please stop slut shaming rape victims! (Actually stop slut shaming period, seriously people get a life and mind your own freaking business.)
We already feel ashamed for what happened and we don't need your derogatory comments making us feel worse. If someone is bold enough, or trusts you enough to confide in you the dirty little details of what happened when they were raped be supportive. Rape is the most unreported crime, do you know why? Because there is such a stigma attached to it. If you can't prove it didn't happen, don't bother reporting it because who knows if people will even believe you. While that previous statement may not exactly be true, that is exactly how we feel. We don't need your criticism or your crude remarks, what we need are your support and kind words. If you can't think of what to say, that's okay! You can tell us that you don't know how to respond to what we've told you. You can tell us you're sorry, you can tell us that sucked. But what we don't want to hear are things like "I'd never do anything like that." My reaction to that comment is usually along the lines of "I'd hope you'd never rape someone you asshole." My personal favorite response to my story in particular is, "well yeah, but hadn't you guys already slept together?" Um, no we hadn't actually and so what if we had? I said no, he still had sex with me. That is rape, rape is rape. Rape is many things, but one thing it's not is the victim's fault. No means no. Just because someone was raped does not mean they were asking for it. I know I certainly was not asking to lose my virginity in a way like that. I hope that one day the ignorance people have regarding rape will be vanished and this issue will be taken seriously. Ignorance isn't always bliss, especially in the eyes of the countless victims you are shaming when you make comments about the outfit she was wearing or the way a person acts around others. Stop the ignorance and the shaming. End the stigma attached to rape. How will the victims ever heal if we're heistant to discuss what happened to us because we're afraid of being judged? Just food for thought.
What happened that night was not my fault. The woman who wore provocative clothing and teased her rapist on but said no and tried to stop him, it wasn't her fault. The girlfriend who may have slept with her boyfriend in the past but said no to his advances yet he forced himself on her, it's not her fault either. The man who told a woman (or man) no, yet still had sex forced on him, yep not his fault either. It is never the victims fault. I am going to repeat myself because this concept is so hard for people to grasp, it is never the victims fault they were raped, ever. It doesn't matter if they've had sex with the person before, if they misled their rapists, if they wore a dress that was too short or even if they were walking around bare butt naked. Having sex forced upon a person is called rape, end of story. If at any point that person has said no and the sex continues to happen, that is rape. Rape is nobody's fault but the horny bastard who refused to take no as an answer. End of freaking story. Please stop slut shaming rape victims! (Actually stop slut shaming period, seriously people get a life and mind your own freaking business.)
We already feel ashamed for what happened and we don't need your derogatory comments making us feel worse. If someone is bold enough, or trusts you enough to confide in you the dirty little details of what happened when they were raped be supportive. Rape is the most unreported crime, do you know why? Because there is such a stigma attached to it. If you can't prove it didn't happen, don't bother reporting it because who knows if people will even believe you. While that previous statement may not exactly be true, that is exactly how we feel. We don't need your criticism or your crude remarks, what we need are your support and kind words. If you can't think of what to say, that's okay! You can tell us that you don't know how to respond to what we've told you. You can tell us you're sorry, you can tell us that sucked. But what we don't want to hear are things like "I'd never do anything like that." My reaction to that comment is usually along the lines of "I'd hope you'd never rape someone you asshole." My personal favorite response to my story in particular is, "well yeah, but hadn't you guys already slept together?" Um, no we hadn't actually and so what if we had? I said no, he still had sex with me. That is rape, rape is rape. Rape is many things, but one thing it's not is the victim's fault. No means no. Just because someone was raped does not mean they were asking for it. I know I certainly was not asking to lose my virginity in a way like that. I hope that one day the ignorance people have regarding rape will be vanished and this issue will be taken seriously. Ignorance isn't always bliss, especially in the eyes of the countless victims you are shaming when you make comments about the outfit she was wearing or the way a person acts around others. Stop the ignorance and the shaming. End the stigma attached to rape. How will the victims ever heal if we're heistant to discuss what happened to us because we're afraid of being judged? Just food for thought.
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